Becoming a Woman of Wisdom and Grace

There are four different areas of life that we need boundaries, your personal, with our friends, relationship and having respect for others boundaries. These all build a solid foundation. If you can plant these well in your life, your can be sure they will grow in the direction you are heading.

For me, I want my boundaries to lead me closer to Jesus as well as show others I am on that path. Lets be honest though, its easier said than done. Your boundaries have to align with your daily life. You cant just tell people your boundaries, they have to see them. In doing these, I hope to gain more self-control, respect for others limits and ultimately honor Gods rules for us.

As I researched I found that there are three C’s to boundaries. It starts with being clear about what you can or cannot do, being consistent and not letting go of what you have worked hard to achieve and making sure these boundaries are communicated well with the people they need to be. I found these three things helpful in the fact that we cant let go of our boundaries in any of these areas because either we wont take ourselves seriously or the people they are being communicated wont take us seriously.

So lets get into the first one. Personal boundaries are hard because we want to lead with our emotions and not what God says we should do. In Proverbs 4:23 the Bible is telling us to “guard our heart” because it knows that our emotions come from there. Its something we always have to be watchful of. The saying of “don’t let your emotions get the best of you” comes to mind.

Our world today tells us to do what we feel or go where your heart leads, but the Bible says “the heart is deceitful” in Jeremiah 17:9. It goes on to talk about how can we trust what its saying? We cant, so we need boundaries set it place for ourselves first as to not be pulled into a worldly view again.

My boundaries will look different than yours and we will all have many. One of mine that has come to mind is how much I share with others. Its a boundary that I have struggled with in the past. Have you ever felt like you told someone a little too much one day and then regretted it directly after? It used to send me into a spiral of thoughts. Now though, I have learned to be more quiet. I listen more to what others are saying and it helps me gauge their true intentions towards me personally.

I practice the three C’s well here by asking the first question, moving the questions along to direct the conversation and direct questions back to them after giving them short answers about myself. This shouldn’t be confused with judgement because its not that at all. I am working towards trusting people and in the professions that I am in, too much information about myself could lead to things I don’t want to invite into my life.

Next is boundaries with our friends. How many times have you bent on things with friends because you enjoy hanging around them or they are very convincing? For me, so many times. We have to set boundaries in every aspect of our life and make sure we are using those three C’s to help us hold to them. Our friends are no exceptions.

Life is hard with this but your boundaries matter and friends that don’t respect that don’t need time in your life. We are all changing for better here and seeing where God leads us. So the group you are around will either bring you closer to where God leads you or push you farther away.

Think about being invited to a party. You are there and if you are like me, I don’t drink anymore. My true friends know this is a personal and a friend boundary but I’m still invited a lot of the time lol. Usually there is one person there that will always say something about “you used to drink before”, “just one drink” or a big “come on, don’t be a buzz kill.” This is where your boundaries have to be clearly communicated. In my case I can list off the many reasons I choose not to and kind of make it uncomfortable for them or I can say a polite no again and walk away. I find the polite no works well with just removing yourself from the situation all together. In Proverbs 22:3 it tells us prudent people see the things as they are and take refuge (me walking away) and the naive person stays in the conversation (giving all my reasons) and suffers the consequences. Using this Proverb as an example gives you the wise choice of showing people you wont bend. It shows them you are serious about your boundaries and it communicates it well with little words or judgement towards them. That is a ministry in itself when they see how you chose to remove yourself from the situation rather than escalate it.

Lets move on to relationships. I personally have struggled with this for so long. Reminder to myself of Proverbs 4:23 again. Partners have a hold on each other that no one else does or really should have. They know your “buttons to push” as well as where you will bend and ultimately break on things. This is why we need boundaries. The three C’s come into play here the most. We must make our boundaries clear to ourselves first, be consistent in them and then to our partner in communication. They wont just know your boundaries because no one is a mind reader, but once you tell them, they will respect them or they wont.

Boundaries in relationships hold us accountable to each other. They say, I respect my partner by not doing this or that because they have boundaries in place for their reasons even if it doesn’t fully make sense to me. This is the biggest area our Proverbs 31 woman comes into play in this. I mean, she has all of these boundaries laid out for everyone but ultimately she is a wife. Her husband respects her. He isn’t out looking for attention from others because he has it from her. She isn’t out looking for attention from others because she has it from him. If either of them feel a lack of attention then they pray about it. This is the relationship goal. Turning to God when you feel your partner isn’t in the place they should be.

In my professions, I have to talk to a lot of people, a lot of the time. My relationship boundaries come into play here. I do these things without too much extra information. Too much information about your partner or relationship to others and people think that they have a say in your life. Im clear that I have a partner, consistent with staying on subjects that don’t dive too deep into life and I communicate that my family life is a light topic, not a deep one. This way, I avoid a lot of unwanted advice and drama. Proverbs 10:19 which says “restraining your lips is prudent” and that is what we want to be.

Now we should shift it a little. Our boundaries in relationships also involve other people. They need to know what is and is not appropriate towards either of us. Your partner and yourself should have clear boundaries that you agree on and that is how you should handle outside interactions. Not everyone is respectful of relationships these days and it makes it hard. So, pray about it and seek Gods guidance on how to move together when other outside influences think it should be differently. My partner knows I am committed and would never do anything or give anyone else the idea that there is an opening somewhere.

In our world today, they say to “keep your options open” and to “not put all your eggs in one basket.” To me, those things are great advice for business and job opportunities but not for your personal relationship. For me and mine, I want all of our eggs in one basket, no options open, solid on where we stand as a family unit. There are no openings here and I am Clear, Consistent and Committed to letting people know that. In Genesis 2:24 it shows us how we are two people moving as one flesh, each doing our own part to make it work. There is no room for others there.

Our last and final thing is respecting other peoples boundaries. How can we lead by example if we aren’t doing the thing we are asking for? So give the respect to others of their clear boundaries and don’t question them. Use the Golden Rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Personally I want others to respect my boundaries and if they are clear with me on theirs I will respect it. I wont push and I wont preach if you are clear you don’t want that. I will lead by example though and you can watch God move in my life that way.

The last one was simple and to the point, no need to drag it out. Just do things for others in a way you would want them to do for you. Respect each others boundaries and yourself and live a life worthy of Gods grace and mercy.